Cat Definitions

• Aquarium: interactive television for cats.
• Cat: 1. a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.
         2. a four footed allergen.
         3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
         4. a small, furry lap fungus.
         5. a treat-seeking missile.
         6. a wildlife control expert.
         7. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes.
         8. a hair relocation expert.
         9. an unprogrammable animal.
• Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life.
• Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.
• Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.
• Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.
• Dog: a cat's device for running practice.
• Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.
• Energy: the element of vitality cats always have an oversupply of until you try to play with them.
• Human: an automatic door opener for cats.
• Impurrsonate: to act like the cat.
• Kitten: a small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two.
• Purrade: an organized march of cats.
• Purradise: the garden of Cats.
• Purramour: a cat lover.
• Purranoia: the fear that your cat is up to something.
• Purraphernalia: a cat's personal belongings.
• Purrch: any favored feline napping spot.
• Purrchase: anything bought for a cat.
• Purrfume: the scent of an open can of tuna.
• Purrgatory: a houseful of kittens.
• Purrmission: a feline hunting expedition.
• Purrpetual: everlasting feline love.
• Purrplex: a house with two or more cats.
• Purrson: a male kitten.
• Purrsuit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting.
• Purrverse: a poem about a wicked kitty.
• Tooraloorailurophobia: an irrational fear of Irish cats.
• Tuner: sonar-like device in cat food that causes cats to appear.
• Yawn: a cat's honest opinion openly expressed.