Cat Medical Dictionary

I think I have a medical career ahead of me. Lately I have been dissecting rodents on my late night cat patrols. Up until now the Big Owner was never impressed with my simply leaving said rodents at his doorstep. Now I fillet the creatures for his convenience hoping he will throw one on the barbeque for the family to enjoy. So far there’s been no luck. Still, I am honing my scalpel skills. Don’t laugh! Cats have practiced medicine long before humans. Many of today's modern medical terms were based on original terminology from the very first Cat Medical Dictionary.

• Enema: The black cat next door ... He's not my friend, he's my enema.
• Biofeedback: Coughing up two hairballs in one night.
• Biohazard: Stepping in both aforementioned hairballs.
• Cat Scan: Do I *really* have to explain that one?
• Electroshock Therapy: Accidentally walking on the electric stove while it is on.
• Hemad: Mood of the Big Owner when I drop a hairball on the carpet. In fact, he's always mad.
• Histamine: A mean hiss.
• Mucus: A feline swear word.
• Perspire: Purring so hard you drool from the mouth.
• False Positive: Pouring fresh litter over the old to make it appear new.
• White Cell: The bathroom – Where humans sometimes lock you up.
• Work-Up: The long minutes preparing to free a hairball.
• Acute: What I am...Acute Cat.
• Fuzzy logic: Trying to figure out cat medical terms.

From Cat Diary #3 by Mark Mason. This is part of a great collection of great cat stories, told from the cat's perspective. For more information or to sign up for the weekly Cat Diary